Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
