you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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