I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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