my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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