In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
