I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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