don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
