Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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