I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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