It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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