just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
