I can tuck mytits in my pants
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
