that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
