i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
