is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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