you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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