11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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