he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
