I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
