she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
