lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
