Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
