Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
