His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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