Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
