I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
