they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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