Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
