i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
