dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
