I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
