He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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