those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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