I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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