Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
