drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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