i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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