i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
