I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
