Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
i think my cat just said my name.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
