considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
