We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
