There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
