what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
