All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
