Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
