He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
