Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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