I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
