I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Less talking, more tequila
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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