piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
