I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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