Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
