I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
