I wannas sexs uuuuu
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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